When the nightmares come they come in waves. Not just when I'm asleep anymore, but when I'm awake also. I feel so numb. Numb from the way I treat myself and numb from the way others have treated me. Even tears I cannot cry anymore... for I think I know what is "underneath". When my anxiety washes over me so intensely that even breathing is hard, I can barely stand upright! But I don't think collapsing is part of my nature... If I do collapse, I'm not sure I will ever get back up. Even now writing I am holding back the tears and emotions, for I am fairly certain of what lies beneath them and for most of my life. I don't think I have it in me too deal with the intensity right now.
Brett "Numb" Drummond
#numbwasagiftforme
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